Please Don't Shoot Me Down

I am not one of those girls who has to have a boyfriend to be happy.
I have had relationships in the past, and they have been fun, but they always formed organically and without much effort on either person's part.

I have not had a relationship in college. I am not resistant, nor am I seeking it out. I feel like this constant pressure though, as if I should be trying to find someone, or that my lack of prospects is something that needs to be fixed. I don't know if it's because my sister has had a boyfriend more often than not since she was 14 (usually one two-year relationship ends, and she moves into another serious one months later). I don't know if it's because my best friend and roommate has a boyfriend right now that she can't stand to be apart from and has become somewhat of another roommate to me. It might even be that my parents ask me if I'm seeing someone every single time I go over there, which is more often than most college students.

It's hard to feel like I'm doing it right (even though I am happy) when everyone around me seems hellbent that I am doing it wrong. I have had plenty of interests and crushes and such, they just haven't really led to anything. Recently it has come to my attention that this might be my fault. Maybe my complacency has gone past "I want it to form organically" to "I don't want it." Also, I seem pretty outgoing sometimes, but deep down I'm shy, and less likely to make my interests obvious. Sometimes I think I am being pretty bold, but clearly this is not so.

Call me old fashioned, anti-feminist, sexist, whatever; but I miss the idea that it was up to the boys to do the approaching, asking out, and making moves. But I guess the times they are a changing, and I need to assert myself more. If I am to be rejected, at least I know it's not going anywhere because they don't want it to, not because they thought I didn't.

So sorry boys, for being wishy washy, disinterested, or hard to read.
I will work on it.