I Just Wanna Let It Go For The Night, That Would Be The Best Therapy For Me

I have recently had my lifestyle change in drastic ways.

When I was a Junior in high school my parents decided I was finally old enough to know how broke we were. Chelan is an expensive place to live and since we remodeled the house and sent my sister to the most expensive college in Washington State BEFORE the economic crisis, we were in debt. They said that it was realistic that they would have to find higher salary jobs, and that they would most likely have to move.

My mom found a job in Bellingham, and that meant that during my entire senior year, she would be living in Bellingham while my dad and I stayed in Chelan. It was really hard for me without my mom. My dad knows how to make a total of four dinners and knows nothing about the urgency for tampons that my mom handled so well. I love my dad, but him and my mother's partnership is one that just...works.

Once I was deciding on colleges, I had spent a lot of time in Bellingham and really wanted to go to Western, but could I really handle being in the same place as my parents when all I really wanted was freedom and space?


After my sister graduated from college with a Bachelor's from a great school, top grades, and insane experience via internships and volunteer work, she still struggled to get a job. After she got one, she was laid off. Then she took a waitress job while in transition, and got laid off. She finally found a job where she was really happy, one that she felt good about. Sadly, she got laid off. This all happened within one year.

I watched her go through bouts of depression after each termination, and it led her to a whole slew of life plans. She considered the Peace Corps, Law school, Grad school, and eventually landed on teaching English in Korea. She flew out of the country today and will be gone for at least a year.


Let's not forget the three nephews, ranging from six months to 5 years old, that were "dropped on our doorstep." I love my nephews, my parents love my nephews, but they are too old to raise them until they're 18. It's hard to have a lot of faith in my brother or his wife to ever get their shit together. I've just watched them fail at parenthood too many times.



With all of these interruptions, my comfort level in life has dramatically dropped. I am now constantly guarded, waiting for the next lifestyle change.

I do not always handle conflicts well. I am somewhat of a bottler, and my emotions can eventually boil over into a flurry of fights. Last week I had an epic battle with my roommate/best friend and my mom. I wish I could handle my emotions better, but I don't.

My life might be a little turbulent, but it could be worse.
I feel like this is a defense mechanism we often use. "It could be worse."

"I could be starving, I could not have access to clean water, I could have lost my parents, I could have died at birth."

Is this a healthy way of handling things? I mean, what is a healthy way of handling things? It seems like there is something wrong with everything we do, according to the person who psychoanalyzes our coping mechanisms.

"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction."